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Best Man’s Speech

1240 words - 5 pages

Best Man’s Speech

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, friends, family and Geordie Tony. For those of you who don’t know me I’m Andrew – the best man. As is customary at this stage I would like to thank {whoever} for Martin’s kind words and gifts. I’ve known Martin for about 18 years now since e worked together at Pizza Hut and I have to confess that they have been some of the happiest and most fulfilling years of Martin’s life. When he phoned me to tell me he was getting married and he wanted me to be the best man, my first thought was ‘This sounds expensive’ which to be fair it has been, my second thought was ‘Oh my God, I’m going to have to do a speech’ which ...view middle of the document...


I know a bloke called Martin Reeves,
He’s gone and got married, would you believe?
To a beautiful young woman named Joy,
He really is a lucky boy,
They got it together on New Year’s Eve,
And despite Joy’s efforts, he never would leave,
I’d never have believed on that fateful day,
That things would have turned out this way,
Through thick and thin they’ve stayed together,
Their love, I’m sure, will last forever,
And not long after their move to Chinnor,
Joy found out there was something growing within her,
Not one, but two babies in her womb,
“Martin,” she said “We’re gonna need some more room”
Then the most wonderful gift was given to them,
The gorgeous twins, William and Ken,
A credit to their mum and dad,
You’ll never meet two sweeter lads,
But anyway I’m sure your thinking that that’s enough,
Of all the lovey, dovey stuff,
I’d like to talk about, if I may,
The events of just last Saturday,

For off on the stag went us lads and Martin,
The first stop was the go karting,
Flying round corners at break-neck speeds,
But it was Az who took the lead,
And at the back, all sad and lonely,
Was the one and only: Geordie Tony,
Then off to Soho to everyone else meet,
Trying to avoid Old Compton Street,
Although the lads who went to withdraw money,
Did return walking a bit funny,
Curry scoffed, we gathered the team,
And headed to Metropolis in Bethnal Green,
A place where respectable ladies dance,
And their clothes fall off; what’s the chance?
Despite spending hours at traffic lights,
It really was the best of nights,

Now let’s spare a thought for Joy’s dad and mum,
Their first sight of Martin was his bum,
When they went to pick up Joy in the afternoon,
Martin and his friends decided to moon,
You’re probably thinking that would have been a disgrace,
If it wasn’t an improvement on his face!
But it didn’t end there did it? Oh, no,
He then went and peed out of their bedroom window,
That must have been a frightful sight,
For Sue to discover in the dead of night,
He’d been on the beer for several hours,
And then...

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