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Comunication Essay

2938 words - 12 pages







“Feeling into”, seeing how it is through another's eyes Experiencing the feelings of another without losing ones own identity


 The

emphatic person senses the other person’s bewilderment, anger, fear or love “as if” it were his own feeling, but he does not lose the “as if” nature of his own involvement.
~ Robert Bolton, People Skills, 1987



Some of the things that help you to feel empathy towards another person:

   

Trust Attentiveness Appropriate Responses Shared Experiences Respect Support


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Praising to manipulate:



Diagnosing motives

“You are very possessive”; “You have always had a problem with time management” “Why didn’t you do it this way?”

 

Untimely advice

Changing the topic

“Yes it is a worry…by the way, did I tell you I applied for a new job?”
“There’s nothing to be upset about. It’s all quite reasonable…we just do this…than we do that…” “I crashed the car last week” and you follow with “When I smashed up my car…”

Persuading with logic




Refusing to address the issue

“There is nothing to discuss as I cannot see any problem.” “Don’t be nervous”; “Don’t worry it will work out”; “You will be fine”



Always remember that people in trouble want to be reassured and we want to give that reassurance  However the “everything will be alright” approach is not a help. It may actually be a disservice as everything may not be alright



The kind of reassurance that people in difficulty need is not meaningless comfort that the problem will take care of itself, but rather our statement of faith that they will be strong enough to work it out even if it is not alright Let them know that you are available and would work with them in finding something that can help


Some consequences:

 

Defensiveness, resistance and resentment Blocks feelings Diminishes self-esteem Decreases the ability to solve problems Creates emotional barriers between people


People tend to fall into the trap of using empathy blockers in many situations, including:
    

Under stress Feeling angry Frustrated Out of control Out of habit (habitual)

With awareness of our use of empathy blockers we can try to choose more effective methods of communication



When we use an empathy blocker, or shut down our communication when an empathy blocker is used on us, we are probably relying on a habitual and automatic way of behaving that we learned in childhood. In other words “We React”


  

When we pause a moment and choose a response that opens communication, we can “respond” May use phrases such as “I’m listening”, “this really seems important to you” or “let’s discuss it” By choosing to respond, we are taking control of our behavior and opening the door to richer relationships



Once we are responding rather than reacting , there can be times when offering assurances or giving advice can be helpful Those times come after you have listened and others know they have been heard, and after you have shown them respect and recognized how they are feeling


May be given in a cautious, constructive and supportive manner that empowers people to do what they need to in order to move...

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