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How To Write An Essay

961 words - 4 pages

HOW TO WRITE AN ENGLISH ESSAY Sue De NymFirst, check the topic. If you're lucky, your smarter friend, sister, mother, or gerbil has written an enthralling and perceptive A+++ paper on this very topic, and still has it on their memory key or on the floor of their cage. Remember to take their name off and change the date. Otherwise, perhaps they would be willing to write it for you tonight, if… you: fix them up with your hot neighbour, let them borrow your new Ipod, do the dishes and laundry for a week, or get them a brand new wheel and some cheese. Try not to use those free papers off the internet. Often, they were written by students just like you and they suck, even the $5 ones. Do ...view middle of the document...

Make sure to change every third word in each sentence to a simpler word, so that you cannot be charged with plagiarism. If this is too hard to do, put quotation marks around it and call it a "quotation". If questioned on where you got your material, claim that you stumbled onto Wikipedia, after hours of painstaking searches through many libraries, and that you have a photographic memory. In your conclusion, you will need togo beyond what your teacher and Wikipedia have told you, and come up with something really relevant and original. Try to find some TV interview on YouTube, somewhat related to the topic, and discuss it after "In conclusion,". To focus your essay, change every fifth word in your first and last sentences of each paragraph so that it states your topic.If you require a Works Cited list or bibliography, put www.google.com for all internet sources, which never have authors, pages or titles. Don't use your best friend's blog, or Facebook page as a source, unless they are famous. Put in at least one book, because your teacher generally likes them. You can find books listed at www.amazon.ca, so you don't have to find the library. The title should have the topic in it, and the name of the author should be somewhere nearby. If the author has a long and complicated name, they will sound moreacademic, but John Smith has probably written something on your topic as well. Pick a city that is close by, a bookstore name followed by Co., Ltd., or Books, and the year you...

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