If I had to choose one person to spend a whole day with, it would be my mother. If I could have
one day with my mother sober, happy, and disease free, there would be so many different
things I would do with her and talk to her about. I would ask her about her life and all of her
experiences in it and try to figure out why she ended up the way she did. I would ask her about
my childhood and why things ended up the way they did. All of the questions that burn through
my mind every day would be relieved. Most importantly though, I would get the chance to
forgive her for everything.
Trying to communicate with my mother as she is today (and has been my whole life) is nearly
impossible. My ...view middle of the document...
It is so hard to explain how she is, but holding legitimate conversations with her is nearly
impossible because of how scattered her thoughts are and how much she tries to avoid
conversation. For example, once I had asked her about an appointment in the cities she had
with her psychiatrist, as well as some other routine check-ups. As a result, I get the response,
“Why the hell do you care so much anyways. Are you on their side? Are you out to get me too?
You think I am crazy, don’t you? They send these letters here to me and expect me to believe it
is actually them! How do I know these letters are actually from who they say they are from?
They are probably trying to scam or are not trying to spy on me! You are in on this too, aren’t
you?” After some time I figured that keeping to myself with a smile on my face can do wonders!
My mother does the exact same thing day after day. In fact sometimes she does not even
remember what day it is. Her routine consists of waking up, drinking vodka, smoking cigarettes
and lord knows what else, all while sitting at the kitchen table. The music is blaring in the
background, she has the phone in the opposite hand of her cigarette, and there she sits: staring
in the mirror across from her as she surfs through all of the thoughts that flow through that
beautiful mind of hers. I say beautiful mind because I cannot figure it out. It is so incredibly
original and out of this world. I find its uniqueness beautiful, but I hold it accountable for how
she turned out and how my life turned out. I do not know what controls a person’s thoughts
and mind, but hers has kept her from living a normal life and has also altered my life
There is always going to be a parental void in my heart because my parents were not...