Realizations Of Loss Essay

1084 words - 5 pages

It is no longer the home I grew up in. The loss of my mother is evident now more than ever, cementing the realization of how one person’s impact can be as much the foundation of a home as the concrete itself. It has been two years since our lives changed forever. My dad is recently remarried and trying to move forward after losing his wife of almost thirty-eight years to terminal brain cancer. Since my mother’s death and my father’s subsequent remarriage, our family house has lost its comfortable feel of home; in its place now resides a reflective sadness, an impersonal emptiness, and a surreal urgency.
The living and dining rooms are now tidy and impersonal. Gone is the familiar ...view middle of the document...

For years, the small bathroom and adjacent storage room sat awaiting their inevitable union. During my mother’s terminal illness, Dad had started working on the bathroom. I can relate to the guilt that must have driven him then and probably still does now. The new bathroom is bittersweet because Mom was in hospice care at the nursing home when it was finished. She never got to see the wonderful job Dad did on it. Just like she never got to see the recently stained and attached French doors they had picked out together for the living and computer room entrances.
Incidentally, those doors would have fit in much better with the cohesive country-comfort style of my mother’s that they were intended for. The present décor was random at best, sometimes even tacky. A dollar-store clock shaped like a teapot here, a seashell there…it is definitely a far cry from the whimsical Peter Rabbit figurines that used to reside on the bookshelf or the folksy artwork that used to hang on the walls.
On the other hand, some of these changes evoke more frustration than sadness. I am still trying to figure out the reorganization that has occurred; it seems like everything is in a different place than it used to be. It is like being a stranger in my own house, the house I knew like the back of my hand before. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the kitchen. Autopilot still brings me to the old drawer that use to contain silverware which now only holds knifes and spatulas. When I am thirsty, I still habitually go to the cabinet that held glasses my whole life - only now it holds spices and medicine. Each time seems like a petty reminder that nothing will ever be the same here again.
However, the most impactful difference is the movement of many family pictures and my mother’s ashes. After my mom died, her urn resided on the mantle of the fireplace alongside the beautiful photograph from her...

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