April 17th, 633 A.F. Sunny
Today, I went to the old lighthouse where John used to live in a sense of reminiscing the past. Nothing has changed; it still remains abandoned and left to rot, just like London. When I reached Johnâ€™s bedroom at the top of the lighthouse, I saw a woman sitting on the floor, reading a book. Her auburn hair and curvaceous back made me recall someone from the intangible past. She seemed to sense my presence and stood up, and slowly turned around. The woman was Lenina.
For more than a minute, we stared at each other, speechless. I could hear my heart pounding in excitement and fear of the unknowns. By the time Lenina recovered from shock, she pulled down her ...view middle of the document...
He was never conditioned by this goddam system that the Word State uses to control us! â€ She stopped, gasping for air. When she had regained her breathe, she turned to the window behind her and leaned against the wall. I stood in wonder, trying to understand why I felt a clutch in my heart when I heard Johnâ€™s name. It must have been guilt that I felt. Guilt coming from using John to make the Director step down from his position and to make myself able to fit into the celebrityâ€™s cycle.
Lenina spoke again, her tone now soft and warm, â€œYou know, Bernard, I could not bear these scars that John gave me at firstâ€, as she slowly pulled up her sleeves, a subconscious feeling of disgust rose in me, â€œbut then these scars taught me the truth. I finally realized that I was living a life full of fake emotions and beliefs that were instilled into my mind through conditioning. Instead of feeling what I really felt, I felt what I was supposed to feel. Iâ€™m grateful to John.â€ She began to whimper, â€œI just wish John could be here to see this moment when I can finally understand him and love himâ€. The sun was setting and the room was covered in a gentle and yellowish glow. Lenina was facing me now, her body glowing in the sunshine. She said with watery eyes and a genuine smile on her face, â€œBernard, itâ€™s nice to see you again. Take this book, and you will see what I see.â€
We had a long chat afterwards and she told me that she would be living there from now on. When I left, I looked at the book she gave me again. Macbeth, just what kind of magic does this book hold, that can bring such fulfillment to Lenina?
Only a small portion of the following diary entry is readable and the remaining part is lost:
April 22nd, 633 A.F. Rainy
I have finally finished reading Macbeth. I am deeply inspired by the story in it and surprised at how it resembles real life. It contains, however, so many emotions that I have ever experienced in my life. How ironic this is, that a play can express feelings more complex and genuine than a man can feel. But by reading this, I feel I have somehow lived the lives of the characters and possess their emotions. Now when I walk down the streets, I feel light and lively and I can walk with my head held high. I would not say I am no longer under my conditioningâ€™s influence, but at least I can feel something that is out my conditioningâ€™s limitation. The more I see Gammas, Deltas...